No is not a command

Recently, I was having a conversation with a friend who was telling me what his young adult son has said about the dog training books he had read.  The son was complaining that he didn't learn anything becuase the books were full of things that are common sense.  And there was one suggestion that you should never tell a dog "No".

[full disclosure:  I have never owned a dog or cat or any trainable pet.  I have fish and three children]

I expressed my agreement with the book that telling a dog "No" is not really a useful thing.  If you want a dog to stop doing what it is doing, my thought is the best thing to do is redirect the dog's attention.  We discussed why the command "Leave it" is not the same as saying "No"

But this post is not about training dogs.  It's about the use of the word "No".

Based on experience with my children (including twin boys who were experts are going two different directions at the same time), I found that using the word "no" brings immediate attention to the forbidden item/action. It makes it the focus when I really want to redirect them to something else.

"No" is a response is to a question.  "Do you like eggs?"  "Do you want to go to the fair?" "Would you like fresh grated cheese on your pasta?"

You want someone to stop or change what they are doing, issue a command.  "Turn down the volume on the radio"  "Give your brother his tablet"  "Eat your peas"  "Stop jumping on the bed"

 Imagine yourself in this situation.  You are filling out a form at a desk.  You pick a black pen from the pen cup and begin writing on the form.  Someone yells at you "NO".  You stop.  Now what are you supposed to do?  What is the problem?  Is the pen the wrong color?  Are you not supposed to write on the form? Are you filling out the wrong form?  Does the person need to explain the form before you fill in the answers?    What do you do?  Stare at the person who yelled?

Now imagine the person had said, "please wait, I need to explain the questions"  or "please use a blue pen".   You know the problem and you can correct the action.

Perhaps "no" could be a useful word if we stopped trying to make it a command.

Writing prompt challange

I've been slacking again and not writing.  Today on the Facebook group "Live Your Legend Creators Guild", a member posted a writing prompt.  The challenge was to pick out your favorite book, flip through it, stop on a random page, skim the page for a sentence that speaks to you.

So, I'm cheating a bit.  A little while before I saw the post, I had sent one of my favorite Winnie the Pooh quotes to a friend who is going through a rough patch.  The quote is:

“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together... there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you.” 
― A.A. Milne

Amazing how a children's book has some of the best advice.

One of the hardest things is life is to remember you are all of the above.  As I have read many times in various texts, the negative comments stick with you much more than positive ones do.  I try to remind my friend daily of his worth.  It's hard to overcome 50 years of negative comments.  And what never ceases to amaze me is he is usually the first one to remind me of my value when I get down on myself.

I once asked this friend why he values me as a friend.  I was so overwhelmed by his response, that I printed it and carry it with me in my wallet.  Here is the first part of it.  "You are an intelligent, insightful woman whom I respect and admire.  You have the ability to communicate things to me that I have a difficult time understanding."  Even after 2+ years, I still have a hard time seeing myself through his eyes.  I seem to let the negative comments from strangers and acquaintances override his compliment.

So each day, I greet my friend (through google chat) and remind him that I care.  And that simple act each day reminds me to be positive.  Some days turn out better than others but each day starts fresh. And he (and a couple other close friends) are always with me even though we are apart.

Luckily for me, I wake each morning to a house with a loving husband and three children whom I love very much.

Rainy day subbing in the 7th and 8th grade

The Reading and Social Studies teacher asked me weeks ago to sub for her today.  It is a rainy, rainy day and remarkably the students are subdued.  Sometimes on a rainy day they can get a small case of cabin fever, especially when there have been other rainy days recently.

It's always interesting to see what lessons I will re-learn when teaching.  This morning's 7th grade Social Studies class was a review of the three branches of the Federal Government.  Eighth grade social studies was a lesson in growing urbanization in the late 19 century.  Eighth grade reading class was a continuation of the reading of The Pearl.   Now as we have a few minutes to prepare for the afternoon, it will be a repeat of the 8th grade classes plus an extra "free" bell for me as another staff member is coming in to teach 7th grade reading where they are reading Tom Sawyer.

One of the eighth graders asked me this morning if I read The Pearl.  I'm sure I did but it has been so long ago that I remember nothing about the story.  Maybe I will use my free bell to see how much of the story I can read.

Home cooked meal?

Got a taste of what a Sunday dinner might look like in a few years. My niece, Victoria Hancock came for dinner with five college friends since they miss home-cooking. Not sure if grilling hamburgers and hots dogs qualifies as a home cooked meal. The "kids" (6 college, 2 high school and 3 sixth graders) took over the big dining room table with grandma while grandpa and the rest of the adults ate in the breakfast room. I managed to find a seat in the dining room after dinner for some fun conversation. My frig and freezer (2 loaves of zucchini bread went back to MSJ) are a bit emptier and they are welcome to come by again. Just have to remember to tell them to bring their own sodas.

Sacrifice or good deed?

Last week, my sons came home from school with a week long religion assignment.  They were beginning a new chapter about sacrifice.  The bible story that is mentioned is Abraham's almost sacrifice of his only son Isaac.  The kids were to create a chart of sacrifices they made for a week.

In theory, this sounds like a good lesson.  However, as I reviewed the resulting "sacrifices" tonight, I was quite shocked.  Most of what they sacrificed was video game time to do a quick chore or "gave up" computer time so the other could have time (or was it because he had a mountain of homework to do?)

Midweek, I spoke with another mom who echoed my thoughts that the kids were not really getting the true meaning of sacrifice but she wasn't going to complain since she was getting free household help.

I would have much preferred if the focus had been on the more positive side.  Instead of giving up something, I would have liked to have seen them encouraged to do a good deed each day.  I want them to learn to do something helpful for someone else because they want the world to be a caring, loving place not because they can chalk up another "sacrifice" credit.

Procrastinating again...

I fell back into my procrastinating ways...

I've missed three days of writing prompts.  So now I must choose one to do today.  My four choices:

• What do people thank you for?
• What's one thing you are proud of?
• What's your elevator pitch?
• What difference do you want to make?

My quick responses to each of these questions is

• People thank me for helping them.  I am one of those who makes sure that events are cleaned up.  I will come early to help setup. 
• One thing I am proud of is helping my daughter's girl scout troop complete their Marian Awards (a 16 month scouting religious award journey)
• I don't have an elevator pitch.  My shyness usually keeps me from speaking to anyone I don't know.
• The difference I want to make is to live the best life that I can and show my children by my example that treating others as you want to be treated makes life better for everyone.

If I really want to challenge my writing, I need to work on my elevator pitch...  I'll have to sleep on that one and see what comes to me.

What really makes me angry about the world

Today's topic is a writing prompt suggested by Scott Dinsmore of liveyourlegend.  I have been reading his emails for a few months and trying to decide if I am going to jump in with both feet.  So far, I haven't made the commitment.  Some days I like what he says, other days, not so much. His current challenge is a 7 day blog challenge which matched up with my need to express my opinion to the universe yet aimed at no one in particular.

So what really makes me angry about the world?  I suspect a lot of people would say the current wars and civil unrest.  While these things don't make me happy, they are not the things that make me really angry.  What makes me really angry is the attitude I see all around me.

It feels as though the prevalent attitude is "what is in this for me?"

Put out a notice for volunteers for weeks before an event.  Very few responses.  People show up at the event and when they see you running around working hard, they comment "I would have helped if you had asked me".  Huh?  What do you think those four notices in email begging for volunteers was?

...

It seems like I have more to say on this topic but my thoughts are all jumbled and it is going to have to wait until some other day.