Monday, July 17, 2017

No is not a command

Recently, I was having a conversation with a friend who was telling me what his young adult son has said about the dog training books he had read.  The son was complaining that he didn't learn anything becuase the books were full of things that are common sense.  And there was one suggestion that you should never tell a dog "No".

[full disclosure:  I have never owned a dog or cat or any trainable pet.  I have fish and three children]

I expressed my agreement with the book that telling a dog "No" is not really a useful thing.  If you want a dog to stop doing what it is doing, my thought is the best thing to do is redirect the dog's attention.  We discussed why the command "Leave it" is not the same as saying "No"

But this post is not about training dogs.  It's about the use of the word "No".

Based on experience with my children (including twin boys who were experts are going two different directions at the same time), I found that using the word "no" brings immediate attention to the forbidden item/action. It makes it the focus when I really want to redirect them to something else.

"No" is a response is to a question.  "Do you like eggs?"  "Do you want to go to the fair?" "Would you like fresh grated cheese on your pasta?"

You want someone to stop or change what they are doing, issue a command.  "Turn down the volume on the radio"  "Give your brother his tablet"  "Eat your peas"  "Stop jumping on the bed"

 Imagine yourself in this situation.  You are filling out a form at a desk.  You pick a black pen from the pen cup and begin writing on the form.  Someone yells at you "NO".  You stop.  Now what are you supposed to do?  What is the problem?  Is the pen the wrong color?  Are you not supposed to write on the form? Are you filling out the wrong form?  Does the person need to explain the form before you fill in the answers?    What do you do?  Stare at the person who yelled?

Now imagine the person had said, "please wait, I need to explain the questions"  or "please use a blue pen".   You know the problem and you can correct the action.

Perhaps "no" could be a useful word if we stopped trying to make it a command.