Corked

Last night we celebrated Dennis' birthday a few hours early.  He made ribs and the wine flowed freely.  Five and a half hours with 4 active drinkers and seven empty bottles.  I had a few tastes here an there but nothing really struck my fancy.
	Definitely want to keep the Pi bottle. Interested to see how the wine tastes. It was a birthday present from Cindy and Jeff. We have been known to buy bottles of wine just for the interesting bottle

A couple weeks ago, Dennis brought home some old bottles of wine and champagne from his parent's garage to dump into our compost pile. He and the boys opened a couple bottles last weekend to see if they would still pop and fizz. They said it was disappointing. Last night Scott brought one of the old wine bottles out to the porch and we opened it just to see how bad it had gotten. I screwed up trying to get the cork out but eventually we had a big enough hole in the cork to pour some into a plastic cup. It definitely smelled like vinegar. Today I decided to dump it and the remaining bottles out. One champagne cork broke in half. I was lucky enough to be able to finally figure out the corkscrew and get the remaining piece out. I did not do so well with opening the last bottle of old wine.

Reaction to action

Recently someone asked me "Why do you feel it necessary to ...?"  What I "did" was not illegal or unethical.  After I thought about it for a while, it occurred to me, the question back to that person should have been "why does it bother you that I ..." ?

As my children approach adulthood, I need to remember this advice and apply it to myself when they inevitably do something with which I disagree.  If I disagree with something they do, I can express my disappointment and/or my concern.  Ultimately, the choice is still theirs to make.

Dad

Sign seen in Meijer store while shopping for last minute items
 the day of my dad's visitation (10/23).  Dad had passed away
 on Friday 10/20/2017 at 11:30.  If he had a sign, this would be it.

"Let's see where this road goes"  A favorite saying of my dad when driving.  That saying led us to many things most kids didn't see.  The Y bridge in Zanesville Ohio.  Amish buggies in northeastern Ohio  (Holmes County area) and many more things.  As children, we probably saw most of the routes from Canton to Cincinnati within the confines of Route 30, I-77, I-70 and I-71.  Interesting tidbit: Dad never left the United States.  He said why leave the country when there is so much to see here.

This willingness of his to take an unfamiliar road has transferred to me.  It's allowed me to get around traffic jams since I'm willing to use my surroundings to know that I am still headed in the general direction that I need to go.  Yes, I'm sometimes wrong and end up taking a much longer route and probably taking more time that it would have to sit through the traffic jam however, I usually learn a new route and see one or more interesting things along the way.

This curious nature of his also led him to teach us the layout of the city streets in and around Cincinnati.  One Christmas season while I was volunteering in Norwood, I had to ask him to please take the same route to and from Norwood on any given day.  I was willing to see a new route the next time but I needed to see the same route from both directions to really cement it in my mind.

Knowing the basic layout of the city proved useful when I was taking him to therapy at Good Sam Hospital from Harrison.  Dixmyth/Martin Luther King Boulevard/ Hopple Street Viaduct was under construction so one afternoon when leaving the hospital and noticing that traffic was backed up, I simply turned onto a side street that would lead us through Clifton and Knowlton's Corner and West Fork and finally to  I-74 to get back to Harrison.  Along the way, he commented on streets that were no longer or were now dead ends.  And bridges that used to cross the valley before I-75 was constructed.  The man was a walking, talking history lesson.

This curiosity extended to other parts of his life.  It was never good enough to know how to do something, we also needed to know why it worked.  For example, if you asked dad the formula for finding the surface area of a cylinder, he would launch into a discussion of what did area mean.  And what information did you have that could lead you to the formula.  To this day, I do not remember the formula for the surface area of a cylinder, but in less than 30 seconds I can construct it.

He read slowly  (a trait not passed on to me).  And when he finished reading he understood and could explain what he read.  Sometimes, this methodical reading could make you crazy.  When my husband and I sold our house to my parents, my dad did not get advance copies of the documents to be signed at closing.  At closing, he read every word on every page.  While I understood the importance of him knowing what he was signing, it was making me crazy because I was losing time on a contract job.

Friends learned over the years, don't ask Dad a question unless you really want the full explanation.  Or as many people joked, begin your query with "In 25 words or less..."  We were talking about Dad during his final days and my children heard this explanation, it finally dawned on them why I do the same to them.

 So take the road less traveled, wonder about the things around you and enjoy the stories others tell.

No is not a command

Recently, I was having a conversation with a friend who was telling me what his young adult son has said about the dog training books he had read.  The son was complaining that he didn't learn anything becuase the books were full of things that are common sense.  And there was one suggestion that you should never tell a dog "No".

[full disclosure:  I have never owned a dog or cat or any trainable pet.  I have fish and three children]

I expressed my agreement with the book that telling a dog "No" is not really a useful thing.  If you want a dog to stop doing what it is doing, my thought is the best thing to do is redirect the dog's attention.  We discussed why the command "Leave it" is not the same as saying "No"

But this post is not about training dogs.  It's about the use of the word "No".

Based on experience with my children (including twin boys who were experts are going two different directions at the same time), I found that using the word "no" brings immediate attention to the forbidden item/action. It makes it the focus when I really want to redirect them to something else.

"No" is a response is to a question.  "Do you like eggs?"  "Do you want to go to the fair?" "Would you like fresh grated cheese on your pasta?"

You want someone to stop or change what they are doing, issue a command.  "Turn down the volume on the radio"  "Give your brother his tablet"  "Eat your peas"  "Stop jumping on the bed"

 Imagine yourself in this situation.  You are filling out a form at a desk.  You pick a black pen from the pen cup and begin writing on the form.  Someone yells at you "NO".  You stop.  Now what are you supposed to do?  What is the problem?  Is the pen the wrong color?  Are you not supposed to write on the form? Are you filling out the wrong form?  Does the person need to explain the form before you fill in the answers?    What do you do?  Stare at the person who yelled?

Now imagine the person had said, "please wait, I need to explain the questions"  or "please use a blue pen".   You know the problem and you can correct the action.

Perhaps "no" could be a useful word if we stopped trying to make it a command.

Writing prompt challange

I've been slacking again and not writing.  Today on the Facebook group "Live Your Legend Creators Guild", a member posted a writing prompt.  The challenge was to pick out your favorite book, flip through it, stop on a random page, skim the page for a sentence that speaks to you.

So, I'm cheating a bit.  A little while before I saw the post, I had sent one of my favorite Winnie the Pooh quotes to a friend who is going through a rough patch.  The quote is:

“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together... there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you.” 
― A.A. Milne

Amazing how a children's book has some of the best advice.

One of the hardest things is life is to remember you are all of the above.  As I have read many times in various texts, the negative comments stick with you much more than positive ones do.  I try to remind my friend daily of his worth.  It's hard to overcome 50 years of negative comments.  And what never ceases to amaze me is he is usually the first one to remind me of my value when I get down on myself.

I once asked this friend why he values me as a friend.  I was so overwhelmed by his response, that I printed it and carry it with me in my wallet.  Here is the first part of it.  "You are an intelligent, insightful woman whom I respect and admire.  You have the ability to communicate things to me that I have a difficult time understanding."  Even after 2+ years, I still have a hard time seeing myself through his eyes.  I seem to let the negative comments from strangers and acquaintances override his compliment.

So each day, I greet my friend (through google chat) and remind him that I care.  And that simple act each day reminds me to be positive.  Some days turn out better than others but each day starts fresh. And he (and a couple other close friends) are always with me even though we are apart.

Luckily for me, I wake each morning to a house with a loving husband and three children whom I love very much.

Rainy day subbing in the 7th and 8th grade

The Reading and Social Studies teacher asked me weeks ago to sub for her today.  It is a rainy, rainy day and remarkably the students are subdued.  Sometimes on a rainy day they can get a small case of cabin fever, especially when there have been other rainy days recently.

It's always interesting to see what lessons I will re-learn when teaching.  This morning's 7th grade Social Studies class was a review of the three branches of the Federal Government.  Eighth grade social studies was a lesson in growing urbanization in the late 19 century.  Eighth grade reading class was a continuation of the reading of The Pearl.   Now as we have a few minutes to prepare for the afternoon, it will be a repeat of the 8th grade classes plus an extra "free" bell for me as another staff member is coming in to teach 7th grade reading where they are reading Tom Sawyer.

One of the eighth graders asked me this morning if I read The Pearl.  I'm sure I did but it has been so long ago that I remember nothing about the story.  Maybe I will use my free bell to see how much of the story I can read.

Home cooked meal?

Got a taste of what a Sunday dinner might look like in a few years. My niece, Victoria Hancock came for dinner with five college friends since they miss home-cooking. Not sure if grilling hamburgers and hots dogs qualifies as a home cooked meal. The "kids" (6 college, 2 high school and 3 sixth graders) took over the big dining room table with grandma while grandpa and the rest of the adults ate in the breakfast room. I managed to find a seat in the dining room after dinner for some fun conversation. My frig and freezer (2 loaves of zucchini bread went back to MSJ) are a bit emptier and they are welcome to come by again. Just have to remember to tell them to bring their own sodas.